12 Reasons Being A Single Mom Can Be Awesome
Yes, It Can Be Hard, But There Are Perks
There is no question that single parents are real-life superheroes. They, more often than not, do it all. If you have the chance to successfully co-parent your children with their other parent, it is a great thing. However, when our kids are with us, we still do it all. And being a single mom can be awesome, truly. Check out all the wonderful perks below.
1. Less Conflict and a More Peaceful House:
My spouse and I rarely fought. In fact, towards the end, we rarely talked about anything of consequence as we were always on eggshells around each other. This means the kids never really saw us fight (until the big marriage ending blow-out, and we minimized that as much as possible for them.) The tension could be felt in the house and kids inevitably pick up on that. Since he moved out, things have not necessarily been easy, but the atmosphere is so much better. Sure, the kids still argue… they’re kids. But our home is happier and that can be felt.
2. Being a SIngle Mom is Awesome Because Having Them 24/7 Makes You SO Close:
Most parents are close to their kids, but there is something about being the one parent who is there 24/7 that really brings you closer. My kids still talk to their dad, almost daily even. He doesn’t live near us right now (his choice) but he really does his best to stay in touch and even video chat with the kids. But he’s not here to see and deal with the daily ins and outs of life with the kids. I’m the one they turn to and I always do my best to be reasonably open and honest with them. This openness leads to a special bond that can’t really be described. But it’s wonderful.
3. I Love Myself More and I Feel more Loved:
Being a single mom can be awesome because you get to focus on yourself a bit more. Now that I’ve had time to step back and look back, I’m so much more acutely aware of what I want in life. I know myself so much better now. And while certain things may limit me, I can make my own choices and go after what I want, when I want. I thought it was busy before, raising the kids While dad either worked or “relaxed” all the time. Since our separation, I have started working online more, started this blog, and started going back to school full-time online to finish my 4-year degree.
I finally have access to some childcare, so I may even go back to the theatre again. And I love it. Because it’s all stuff I want to do. And people around me have been SO supportive of my choices. They are more willing to help me because they see how hard I work. And I see when people are honestly concerned for me and the kids and our life. And it’s not always comfortable, but I know it comes from a place of love and I can more easily accept that now.
4. Being a Single Mom Can Be Awesome Because It’s ALL mine:
When my spouse and I split, he didn’t want anything. Maybe his clothes and personal effects, but he literally wanted to just leave everything for the kids and me. It wasn’t necessarily some noble act, I think it was more of staying away from everything that reminded him what he’s lost through his choices. And that meant I had to clear everything out. But it also meant that the second closet… it’s MINE. That is now my dress closet for my pinup and fancy and costume dresses.
The nice couches with the built-in recliners? Mine. When my middle son needed a dresser, we just cleared out daddy’s and he gets to use it now. That rug I always wanted for the living room? I got it. It’s mine. Yes, it’s more responsibility, but I take pride in this ownership. We rent, but I got to update the garden in the front yard. I’ve reorganized things so I know where everything is and I can have it my way. Seriously, it’s pretty awesome.
5. Better Friends than Lovers:
Now, this is not true in every case, but I think my kids’ dad and I make better friends than anything else. Oh yes, we still have our issues. Yes, I do not approve of his choices sometimes. But it has actually been easier to co-parent with him since we have not been romantically involved. I can still turn to him when I need to for advice or his thoughts and he’ll help me out. I do the same for him if needed. We share more fun things and we’re a lot more laid back around each other versus the time at the end of our relationship. Things are not perfect, but it’s been easier being friends. So I hope that everyone can find the ideal relationship with their partner as well. It makes things so much better.
6. Day to Day, It’s Done my Way:
I’m in control. I cannot count the times when things were left up in the air because I was waiting on some input or decision or something from my spouse. I had to quit a job because he promised to find the necessary childcare. He never did and it came down to that very last day when I had to call-in absent to work because there was no childcare in place. Can you imagine the stress? Now, I choose. For any day to day issue, I’m in charge. 100%. Since my kids’ dad is still in touch with the kids, I will still inform him of major issues or concerns.
Usually, though it’s at a point when I’ve already decided the best course of action and he just goes along with it. Luckily, he accedes to the point that I’m the one who is here and probably does know best since I’m dealing with whatever it is firsthand. Our parenting styles were pretty opposite of one another as well. Now, there is no conflict. It’s so much better for the kids to have a consistent approach and SO much less tension in the house.
7. Modeling Independence Leads to Independence:
I was a very self-sufficient child growing up. I liked just doing a lot of fo things myself. So now that I am doing all the things on my own, I can show my kids how it’s done. I’m much more likely to teach them how to do something themselves now to help free up some of my own time. This shows that as close as we are, a little independence is still a good thing too. So, I’m able to present not only a strong role-model of independence but a realistic one too. Because it is hard sometimes. And I let them see that. But then I also let them see how to get up and keep trying too.
8. You Learn Who’s in Your Village:
The first year or two after our separation and him moving away was tough. Really tough. I didn’t know many people where we are at. And I felt, very, very alone. An awful lot. My family, of course, stood by me and supported me completely, but they also live over a thousand miles away. Slowly though, people started coming into our lives that have been truly wonderful and supportive. You find comradery and helpfulness that is unparalleled. There have been so many people that are wonderful to the kids. They help me keep up with all the chaos that can be our lives. And it’s incredible to see your village coming together right before your eyes. It may not happen right away, but it’ll arrive.
9. You Make Up a Team and Model Great Teamwork:
The truth is, there is no way I could do this all on my own. I have my kids, as young as they are, and we work together. My oldest often knows when I’m working and trying to focus on something and will help play or otherwise distract his younger siblings. Once an older child learns how to do something themselves, they turn around and help their younger sibling with the same thing. When one of them is upset, they help comfort each other. When I’m upset, they comfort me. Of course, there are still typical sibling squabbles, but they get along so well it has made for an incredible and close family dynamic. Plus, I see how they are taking these skills and using them outside of the house. Learning to work together leads to amazing things.
10. Multitasking Master:
Okay, I admit this may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I love learning. About anything and everything. Now that I’m on my own, I have to know how to do anything that my spouse might have taken care of before. I even learned how to replace the coolant thermostat in my car when the old one went bad. It was luckily quite easy! And this doesn’t necessarily mean that I DO everything myself, but I have to find a way to get it done regardless. And the skills I’ve learned are so valuable. Plus, once I learn them, I can pass these skills onto my kids as well. It’s just another reason why being a single mom can be awesome.
11. You Know You’re Children Will Be Just Fine:
Study after study has shown that children of single parents turn out just fine. Your child can turn out well-adjusted, productive, and happy just like children of two-parent families. They have as much of a chance of succeeding in life as anyone else. There are many famous people who were raised by single parents: Barack Obama, Barbara Streisand, Michael Phelps, and Angelina Jolie are all among some of the world’s greatest that have been raised in single-parent families. When you have confidence in your parenting skill (at least most of the time), being a single mom can be awesome and you and your village will make sure the kids come out just fine.
12. You’re Stronger than Ever AND Learn to Accept Help:
When you’re on your own, you have to learn to defend and take care of yourself and your kids. This means learning to say “no” and face the backlash. You’re now the one making the decisions and while there can be negative consequences at times, it’s really empowering. And when you have to find out how strong you are, those who really support you will completely understand. When you learn to stand up for yourself and take charge your strength shines through.
On the flip side, you also learn that sometimes you can’t be as strong as you want and you need help. It’s okay to not be able to do it all and it’s just as strong to turn around and ask for help when you need it. You’re also modeling this for your kids. I was very used to taking care of things on my own, but when I found out that payday was still two weeks away and the fridge was empty I learned that I felt okay asking for help finding a food pantry. Because it meant I could feed my kids. One way or another, I got the goal accomplished, even if it was with help. And it’s nice to know that I’m strong enough to get goals accomplished that I need to, but there is help there is we need it.
Being A Single Mom Can Be Awesome. Truly. It’s easy to get stressed out and start living in the negativity, so it’s important to remind yourself of all the good things you do have in your life. And more often than not, you just have to look at your kids. Here at Just Like Mom we say “Having Fun; Just Like Mom” and it’s true. Having fun together is the best thing a single mom family can do. So mama, have yourself a Watermelon Mojito Slush and enjoy your life.